Pet Peeve #10~ What is my title in the relationship?

Hello Dawnettes.



As I write this particular blog, I still am contemplating whether or not to address this subject publicly. It's almost annoying at this point. I won't lie, I think there is a deep-rooted chip on my shoulder. I've struggled so long with my sexuality that once I decided to not "hide" in the shadows anymore, I don't tolerate not showing or presenting who I am to anyone.



With that being said, I understand the flip side. I know not everyone will celebrate who I am and what that truly means. I understand that hetros may even see it as I'm shoving my "lifestyle" down their throat. Blah, blah, blah...



That is farthest from the truth. I wish I didn't to explain myself! I hope that my "significant" other doesn't feel awkward (at this point in our relationship) to whether she will introduce me as her "girlfriend" or partner. And let's not even dissect what hetero's usually take as a "girlfriend" title.

First of all, if you know your friend well, you pretty much know she is gay. There is no discriminating or ill will feelings towards one another. Otherwise, you wouldn't be friends. You also realize your friend is in a loving, healthy relationship or least trying to build one.

Professionally, I will give a little leeway. Even I wouldn't go for the jugular doing the first few weeks at a new job. However, I'm not going to hide it either. Especially when I'm beaming about my kids, the first person I will highlight is my partner. If I've been at the job for a while, you pretty much know who I am. Let's no beat around the bush. Grown people here. Again, not putting it in anyone's face, but I'm not avoiding speaking about it.

Second of all, if you're "dating" it's clear that you're not just meeting up as friends. YOUR DATING. Again, annoying to have to break it down. The year is 2018 for goodness sake. It may not be anyone's business. But being gay is not what defines me, it's just a part of who I am.



Which brings me to my pet peeve...


This is for my LGTBQ, friends, and family...


If you have issues about how you're going to address me, then don't.


Seriously.


Just give them my name and let the conversation go where it wants to go. At some point, I will for whatever reason state who I am and how proud of the fact I can say it in mixed company. Again, if you know me, you know this will be a factor. It will be subtle. I won't hold up a sign that says I'm gay. The flavor of my language and the subject matter we will be discussing will make it known.


If this is something you aren't comfortable with, then we don't need to be friends. Period. I pick and choose who I want to be around because I am very open and accepting of others. I wish for that in return. In fact, that's non-negotiable. Life is too short. I don't want that type of energy around me frankly. My circle is tiny. Micro.


I'm going to wrap this up by saying...

I'm in a good space. Every day isn't a party filled with flowers and rainbows. However, I like the reflection looking back at me. I mean, it took me a long time to like her. Love her flaws and insecurities.
I have a special Lady {Ms. A} in my life that reminds me every single day "Don't do it for me, do it for yourself. Be happy with your progression and where you are in your life".
As long as I have that kind of love and reassurance, I can do anything. To have someone that doesn't judge me and wholeheartedly supports me is priceless.
These are sediments that frankly my friends, can resonate with everyone. Gay or not.

Be well...

D.

Music that fueled me during this soap box- Me'Shell NdegeOcello- Soul Searching (From the original soundtrack Higher Learning
*I DO NOT OWN THE RIGHTS TO THIS SONG

Moving on, Leaving Toxicity Behind, & New Years Resolutions! Again???

Hey Dawnettes,



As the year draws to a close, we all reflect on what the past year has brought us. Examples made include but not limited to:

Quitting a much-hated job, saying goodbye to people we've lost{whether it's a friend or a family member} or ending a relationship with your significant other.
Which brings me to the subject of this blog.


Moving on is hard. It's not something that's instantaneous. It's gradual demise of the relationship once it reaches a point of no return. Two people come together and then for reasons (if both parties have had an honest conversation with themselves) have to face their responsibilities in what happened over the course of the relationship. Break-ups once they crash and burn, have a way of either making you take a mental note of what you want in the future with someone else or live happily single for the rest of your days.

However you choose to move forward, please consider some time to be comfortable with being alone and give yourself time to grieve the loss of the relationship. And let's be clear. Your timetable may not be reflective of anyone else's schedule of healing and moving on. Some people heal quicker than others. Especially if you were in a relationship and that only one person had been present mind, body, and soul.


Leaving toxicity behind. I've made it one of my favorite hashtags. You can apply this statement to every facet of your life. From bad jobs to interacting with people who you don't care for, but are forced to be connected to. Family members that seem to have the best of intentions, but are secretly plotting against you. Toxicity seeps in and erodes from within.

You look up one day and realize, "Have I been sleeping this whole time with my eyes wide shut?" Removing toxicity clears a pathway for becoming healthy and moving in a positive direction. Allow the single life to get to know you. Let it gently blanket over you and keep you balanced. Yes, that's the Libra in me talking. Haha. But seriously, life is too short to be unhappy and unstable. To romanticize wanting to hang on to something or someone that has made it clear you're not needed, or they don't want you in their life. Harsh, hurtful truths.


Now we move onto my final topic. New Years Resolution.

Look.

We all make resolutions. New year, new me. Weight loss goals. Relationship goals. Health, wealth and whatever.

I equate New Year's resolutions to promises. We try put our best foot forward. We make every effort to be better than last year. We genuinely have good intentions. But have we really put in the work? Have we been truthful with ourselves and our limitations? Are we really on the path of enlightenment and change or is it all BS? Following a trend that isn't what we are about.

Again, change is unavoidable. Life is ever changing. Some people fear change. Fear can be a driving force if you let it. It grapples and takes hold in every decision you make. Which ( in my opinion) is never a positive thing. Some people welcome change. Change is good. It shakes things up, and it forces you to face certain truths.



This is what I promise or want to resolve:


*Procrastination-This means giving myself realistic goals that I can meet with confidence.

* Relationship with my friends- Reaching out more and just checking up on them. I mean really checking up and being genuine. I want to know what's going on and plan meet-ups.

*Financial-I know what I need to do. No need to put myself on blast here!!😏

*Relationship with a significant other- Learn from the previous and leave the bags at the door. Walk into a new situation with no expectations. Be a better life partner by having my own goals and a life outside of the relationship.


I will end on this note.

Life is fluid and what you make of it. Surround yourself with like-minded people. Make realistic goals for yourself. And for goodness sakes, take time to enjoy your life. You only have one, and then it's gone.





Be well...



D.


                                      Happy New Year!!!

                                      

           
                                         What I was listening to while writing this blog:
                                         The Internet~ Something's Missing & SWV - Use your Heart
                                         *I DO NOT OWN THE RIGHTS TO THIS SONG